||[Jun. 19th, 2004|12:52 pm]
|||||everything mixed together||]|
well i woke up this morning at 6:15 for our soccer game against PSA. we kicked some major ass. 2-1. its probably the best first half we've played. then we gave up. ivan gave me a huge speech about how i should play fall soccer and i have a lot of talent. and i realize it, im not pushing myself because i dont have a goal to work for. this summer is all about fun for me. and it shouldnt be. he says all my talent cannot go to waste. and that i to work something out. i almost started crying. i want to play so badly. but i made the commitment to work. we have another game at 2:30 so i have to get going pretty quickly.. but ..
breck lost yesterday and took 2nd at state. the final score was 7-4. ryne pitched but then they put drew in. not such a good idea because his arm wwas really sore because he pitched the day before. but he did really well and hung in there. they all deserved it. it wasnt the most enjoyable game to watch. tj's mom is a fucking bitch and almost didnt let me sit with them because of stupid stuff like supersition. whatever. i havent talked to drew at all. its been like 2 weeks or more since ive actually talk to him. he knew i was there. i caught him looking up at me a few times. that hurts me because im not there to distract him. but, oh well. i'm missing him so much and its not good. i try not to. but i just cant help it. by seeing jo jo and tj...its hurts more than anyone can understand. when and if they break up...he will not be in minnesota. and it makes me feel terrible because drew and i set up tj and jo jo, but they lasted so much longer and so much stronger, than drew and i. there are SO many things i would do differently. it doesnt matter if hes leaving, i didnt need to make him my life, above all else. leaving or not, i still have my girlfriends, and god. and soccer. everything. it could have been perfect if i had balanced stuff out. maybe not, i dont know. his summer baseball starts today, hes got 2 games today, 2 tomorrow, and one every day till wednesday. its insane. but ya know...i could deal.
after my game tonight, im going to maybe call him or something. or later tonight. im going to tims graduation party, basically to say hi and bye before he goes to college because he told me it'd be likely i wont be able to see him again. :( fuck him. thats too bad. relationships/friendships have to work the same way...BOTH ways. its a two way street. and im gonna go to eric olsons grad. party. and then i dont know what.
p.s. i got the CUTEST outfit ever yesterday, and i wish it was warm enough for me to wear it! its a skirt thats BRIGHT pink, with white polka dots, and its short, and it bunches on one side, and its flowy. and its kinda swimsuit material. ahhh.. and a white shirt that the lady at guess helped me pick out to match it. lol. yeah!
well, gotta go empty the dishwasher and go to my game. love you!